Sometimes, we have to die first to live on.

　　I used to understand this concept when I was a child. But that understanding had been washed away by years of reading, studying, and walking on the road of accomplishing something great, but which I have not yet define.
　　This year, after feeling tons of defeats caused by the other players of the Go club, I finally remembered something important. Something that I have lost for a long time. That is: The world is a two players game; and: Sometimes, we have to die first to live on.
　　I was afraid to loose, but I was even more terrified to retreat. I refused to put a stone as a bait even if it would end up turning the whole situation around. But now I want to try it differently. I had been fleeing from success, from winning, because I was afraid of the feeling I used to feel when I had crashed and burnt. Well, yea, that is so stupid of me, but I am catching up. People used to say everything will be alright at the end. I don't want to believe that. Rather, I want to say, as thousands of others had said it before me, so long as I trained myself for the best, prepare myself for the worst, and react faster, I could walk on the road that, although it would be much steeper and harder and painful to walk on, the process would be so much more thrilling and exciting and worthwhile.

4.16.2010